Exhausted

There are sewing needles in my brain and jackhammers quaking my bones. My eyes are

crescent moons who can’t get enough of shadows. Of

spots dancing across my irises as I try to tumble into a peace that will never come.

But the sea that shines against my skin and the sickness that consumes my essence taunt me.

They laugh and scream with joy and I fold. I’m newly turned twenty-one for these

card dealers. They wreck me with every move, every word, every bite. Security comes up and decides all of this isn’t for me. They sit me down and

 I liquefy.

 I am no longer.

 

I am begging for release. Free me! I can’t take this any longer.

You have driven out my passion, my love for everything! You have stolen my music, my words.

I don’t feel anything. I don’t! You shout and command, expect so much from me.

To conform and to listen, to be everything I don’t want to.

You have destroyed me.

I am here, and you have devastated me.

Made a monument of scars and demented thoughts set in titanium.

Encrusted in dying stars and shattered sapphires.

A heart of molten sludge.

 

You created me.

 Out of my chaos, of my love you have created this.

 An unfeeling thing.  A demonic angel.  

I pity Lucifer for he tried to be more. He dared to be more, and I was born;

a product of fear and jealousy.

All because you did not understand why I cried and why my tears blotted inked papers.

You did nothing and that was it.

I was everything in your eyes and you couldn’t stand that. You couldn’t bear to see and feel the way

I did.

 

So, I will. You changed me but I’m here.

 I am everything you are and everything I was before.

 I know you and I will carve idols out of your ashes. Because in the end that’s all you are;

a charred, chthonic forest that was razed to the ground.

That’s all you will ever be.

 

That’s everything I refuse to be.

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