29th August, 2021

 I wish I could love you. I want to be

there for you, have your head in my

lap and stroke your hair as you fall

asleep. There is no world in this

room, we are alone. You can let go 

now. I know I rely on you as my

anchor and gravity, but even

anchors have to be reeled in, saved

from the corrosion of the seas.

Allow yourself to crumble like the

dying corals of the earth and I

promise I’ll be there to breathe the

life back into you, piece you

together with moonstone and gold

weaving Yggdrasil where the

fractures used to be. Leave your

scent on my clothes, your body

wash trickles from every pore

anyway. The sheets love you as

much as I do with the way you

reach for me even in your sleep,

the ways you make me feel loved

don’t compare to the loneliness

that needed them. I wanted a

saviour and got a greater lover

instead. You have me, with my first

aid kits and tenderness of wet 

cloths when a fever strikes. The

sweet scent of vanilla and cocoa

powder as you stumble around in

your sleep searching for my hips

swaying with the ladle that mixes

the batter. You tell me you love me

if only to never lose my cooking;

the kisses you leave of buttery

fingertips speak more truth than

you will ever say.


I wish I could love you. You seem

like my type, and I am alone, so it

makes sense. As if logic could

dictate whether my substances are

compatible with yours. We fit in

neatly together like the pieces of a

puzzle worn with time: the grooves

are the same but the chipping

cardboard pushes your hand,

forcing the pieces together in all

their softened edges. The pieces

break or fly. Both end with the

future of the puzzle being

abandoned. 


I dreamt of your tender

confessions and blushing kisses. If

only you knew how many times I

turned the moment over in my

head and thought, “please let him 

not know. The heartbreak I bear for

the both of us is enough. Let him

be free.”


Stay with me, my love. Be free.

Make me stay. Make me yours, as

if I wasn’t already. 


Be mine as if we were never meant

to be.

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