Daydreams

“You’ve stepped far enough, Ta’al. It’s time to end this!”

Lyra stepped forward on her bed and pushed her hands forward, full of imagined forced and power. Not seeing the pillow under her feet, she twisted and fell back on the mattress as her mother entered the room. 

“Who were you talking to, bacha? On the phone with your friends?”

She didn’t look at Lyra, making her way to the dressing room cupboards where the toilet paper and cleaners were kept. 

“No one ma, just talking to myself.”, she groaned, not moving. She shifted around a bit to get comfortable, but the hurt in her lower back was stubborn. 

“Ok. Remember that we need to go out tonight. Decide what you want to wear and let me know. I’m going to go get ready after this. Do you know where your dad is?”

“No ma. He went to Model Town after lunch. Must be there only.”

“Hmm, I’ll call him. You start getting ready in the meantime.”

She sighed as soon as her mother closed the door behind her. Her fantasies were her own for now. 

She gingerly sat up on the bed, the room feeling hazy around her body. Twirling her fingers, willing silver threads and scarves into being. Only she could see them of course; they existed on a plane only her eyes could see. A frequency where her eyes were violet like Yennerfer’s, a reality where magic existed. 

Sighing, she dropped her hand and made her way to the computer room. In one corner of the house, with two of the walls being windows looking into the back-gardens. The only place where she felt private and exposed in the same instance. The gardeners, her mother, her dadi all walked past the windows at some point in the day, and she remained focussed on her work. 

Three diaries. Journals, or timetables more like it. Two for her three internships, and one for classes. Forgetting meetings and appointments the hour after she made them, Lyra didn’t trust her memory anymore. Even the slightest hope of “No need to write it down, you’ll remember! This is important! You won’t forget” was immediately shut down. A mind can be so traitorous and annoying sometimes. 

Someone knocked on the door, and opened it without waiting for her response. Her dad peeked in. He must have been in the office next door, and not in the market like she thought.

“Hi baccha. Did you have a chance to do the accounts I gave you? I just want to get this work over and done with. ”

“Not yet, dad. I told you I would do them. I’ll do them. Don’t worry about it.”

She offered a tight-lipped smile as reassurance.

“Ok, ok.” He stood awkwardly at the door, opening it wide to lean against the frame. 

“So what’s happening with that summer school of yours? Any news?”

“Nothing yet. I’m speaking with my counsellors abhi. Let’s see.”

“Ok. Chal, whenever you have the time, just do the accounts na. Kar dena please.”

“Will do dad. Bye.”

The door closed, and her face fell. No showing the tiredness. Nothing. Nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. We can do this. We can do this. We’ll be fine. You know you’ve applied for aid, you’ve got the grades.

We’ll be fine. 

The door opened again,and Lyra snapped a little.

“I told you dad, I’ll do the-”

“Sorry lalla, sorry maine disturb kiya.”

“Oh, dada ji. Nahin sorry apne disturb nahin kiya. Sorry, kya hua. Sab thik hai ji?”

“Haan, bas goushala se wapas aaya tha. Aaj humne nayin tiles lagwayi. Grey wale, jaise tumhare school mei lage hote the, yaad hai? Red wali thod expensive thi, to humne kaha ki grey hi lagwa do.”

“Hanji da, yaad hai.”

“Accha ok. Thank you, sorry for disturbing you. Bya lalla, love you.”, he said in his trademark sedimented voice. 

“Bye da. Apne disturb nahin ki…”

The door shut quietly. 

Lyra closed her eyes, her mouth a thin line. Deep breath. Deep breath. Ok. Ok. 

Time to get to work. Need to get a lot done before the dinner tonight. Just wanna have fun tonight. Fun tonight with people you haven’t seen in years, Lyra. So much fun. Fuck!

Nope, work. We can worry about them later. It's fine! It's fine. 

Deep breath.

It’s fine.